I've not posted much in this blog . . . because the issues associated with caregiving for elderly parents is no longer on my mind as much. I haven't forgotten, though. If you're struggling with your own challenges and reading this, let me encourage you that you can get through this tough time.
I recently read an article about the importance of caregivers taking care of their own needs. Nancy Carlson used doodling as a way to express some of her feelings while taking care of her ailing husband. Lorraine Teel used textile arts. It can be hard to take time for creativity when you're already overextended, but it can be an excellent outlet for some of the excess stress and emotion.
"The thing about caregiving is, you don't realize what it takes from you; you're the proverbial frog in the boiling water." This quotation (in the 11/10/18 Star Tribune) perfectly captures the challenge of taking care of yourself while you're taking care of a loved one. The article also states that "research supports . . . the therapeutic value of creativity for the growing number of Americans tending to loved ones."
So whether it's doodling, knitting, baking, woodworking, or dancing, treat yourself to some creative time. Express the feelings you may not be able to state out loud!
Prior to October 2010, my life was pretty simple. But with my mom's diagnosis of temporal arteritis, I plunged into the strange new world of providing care for parents in their 80s. As I've shared stories with friends, they've urged me to blog about it and share what I've learned with others. Here we are!
Showing posts with label caregiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label caregiving. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Lesson #4 - Superman is an Alien
So I'm at the end of my rope . . . and still trying to climb back up. I remember when I was a young working mom, thinking "I am NOT SuperWoman! I can't do it all!" But when you're a capable person who is used to *doing* things, you keep trying. SuperWoman and SuperMan are fictional characters who are *not* from Planet Earth, where the rest of us originated.
It's important (since we don't have super powers) to ask for help. I'm not always good at that. I usually offer to help. But I'm at a point where my own strength is most definitely not enough.
How does a capable, competent person ask for help?
Do it. Ask for help. And *don't* feel guilty about it! As human beings, we sometimes just need some help. Chances are good, you've helped others in their time of need. You'll pay it forward again someday, but right now - you need to receive.
It's important (since we don't have super powers) to ask for help. I'm not always good at that. I usually offer to help. But I'm at a point where my own strength is most definitely not enough.
How does a capable, competent person ask for help?
- Be specific. "I need you to watch Person X for two hours this weekend. Which day and time works best for you?"
- Spread the wealth. Make a list of people you can ask. Friends, family, neighbors, co-workers . . . having a long list extends the possibilities.
- Be thankful. "I really appreciate your help. This means a lot to me." People like to hear this and it's most likely truer than they know!
- Evaluate your needs. Do you need a break or do you need a complete change of situation? Go ahead and list out the pros and cons, the possibilities and dreams. Sometimes the craziest things that come up in brainstorming sessions are actually things that could happen.
Do it. Ask for help. And *don't* feel guilty about it! As human beings, we sometimes just need some help. Chances are good, you've helped others in their time of need. You'll pay it forward again someday, but right now - you need to receive.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Lesson #3 - Caregiving is hard!
This has to be short, because I'm on my way out the door. I just want to acknowledge here and now that caregiving is hard. Even if you have a sunny disposition (which I don't), caring for another person is hard. When you're an exhausted young mom, you go beyond yourself to take care of that baby. That's just what you do. For some reason, caring for an elderly parent is similar but different enough that struggle ensues. I'll share more later, but please know that if you are struggling with caregiving, you are normal! Leave me comments if you wish! I will respond, but not necessarily in a prompt fashion.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
Background Info
So I had jotted a few notes when I was contemplating starting this blog and want to get rid of my scraps of paper. In my "Goals" entry, I covered my hopes for this blog. But a little background might be helpful . . .
In October 2010, I was 44 years old. My mom, Eileen Somers, was 82 years old (just a few months shy of her 83rd birthday). She started having trouble with her vision on either Sunday or Monday, but didn't say anything for a few days. When she mentioned it to my dad, he "made" her go to the doctor. Diagnosis? Temporal arteritis with 75% of her vision occluded! (Yes, she continued driving a car for two days with only 1/4 of her vision functioning. Stubborn, she was.)
The doctors prescribed prednisone (a rather high dosage) and within six weeks, she went from being dynamic and bossy to sleeping for 20-22 hours each day, being confused, and generally looking as though the end of her life was near. She was hospitalized a few times and I stayed overnight in the hospital with her, sleeping on the floor. I actually saw "prednisone-induced psychosis" on her chart.
Anyhow, I've chronicled that odyssey elsewhere. Suffice it to say that my siblings and I started providing care on weekends. Since my dad's macular degeneration prevented him from driving a few years earlier, both parents were dependent upon my siblings and I. Araceli and her daughters provided care Monday - Friday. So for five and a half years, I spent 25% of my weekend time in Bloomington, getting meals and pills, paying the bills and balancing checkbooks, running errands, etc. My mom passed away at age 86 on 5/16/2014 and my dad died on 1/21/2016 at age 89 (just one month shy of his 90th birthday!).
In late February 2013, my mother-in-law Betty (who had been dealing with health issues but was otherwise pretty healthy) went to the hospital because she wasn't feeling well. I wrote about her situation in my Lesson #1 blog entry and in a different blog. Two weeks after her death, my father-in-law came to live with us. He is currently 85 years old.
The past five and a half years have been full of lessons and I'm sure I'm not done learning yet! I am trying to focus on being obedient to God's will in my life, but I confess that I often struggle with a bad attitude and a healthy dose of complaining. I am blessed with an amazing husband who is far kinder than I am. He helps to lighten my mood when I get too discouraged or frustrated.
Leave any questions or comments in the space provided! I'd love to hear from you.
In October 2010, I was 44 years old. My mom, Eileen Somers, was 82 years old (just a few months shy of her 83rd birthday). She started having trouble with her vision on either Sunday or Monday, but didn't say anything for a few days. When she mentioned it to my dad, he "made" her go to the doctor. Diagnosis? Temporal arteritis with 75% of her vision occluded! (Yes, she continued driving a car for two days with only 1/4 of her vision functioning. Stubborn, she was.)
The doctors prescribed prednisone (a rather high dosage) and within six weeks, she went from being dynamic and bossy to sleeping for 20-22 hours each day, being confused, and generally looking as though the end of her life was near. She was hospitalized a few times and I stayed overnight in the hospital with her, sleeping on the floor. I actually saw "prednisone-induced psychosis" on her chart.
Anyhow, I've chronicled that odyssey elsewhere. Suffice it to say that my siblings and I started providing care on weekends. Since my dad's macular degeneration prevented him from driving a few years earlier, both parents were dependent upon my siblings and I. Araceli and her daughters provided care Monday - Friday. So for five and a half years, I spent 25% of my weekend time in Bloomington, getting meals and pills, paying the bills and balancing checkbooks, running errands, etc. My mom passed away at age 86 on 5/16/2014 and my dad died on 1/21/2016 at age 89 (just one month shy of his 90th birthday!).
In late February 2013, my mother-in-law Betty (who had been dealing with health issues but was otherwise pretty healthy) went to the hospital because she wasn't feeling well. I wrote about her situation in my Lesson #1 blog entry and in a different blog. Two weeks after her death, my father-in-law came to live with us. He is currently 85 years old.
The past five and a half years have been full of lessons and I'm sure I'm not done learning yet! I am trying to focus on being obedient to God's will in my life, but I confess that I often struggle with a bad attitude and a healthy dose of complaining. I am blessed with an amazing husband who is far kinder than I am. He helps to lighten my mood when I get too discouraged or frustrated.
Leave any questions or comments in the space provided! I'd love to hear from you.
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